


Purge

by lies_d



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5469290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lies_d/pseuds/lies_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dinesh decides to try gay sex just once, to get it out of his system.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heyitsk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitsk/gifts).



Dinesh woke up with a start.

"Oh my god," he muttered, dragging his cover off. He felt too damn hot. Bits of his dream came floating back to him - a dream where he'd been happily sucking on someone else's cock.

He looked down.

"Noooo," he whined to the erection tenting his boxers. "Stop that. Go away."

In the dream, he'd had one cock in his mouth and another one nearby for when he was done. Just like...

"Fucking Richard and his fucking gay logo," Dinesh muttered in Urdu as he headed to the bathroom for a cold shower.     

~~~

Only once he'd pressed the 'Quit Skype' button did Dinesh finally let his smile drop. He hated the thought of his parents seeing him look depressed. Well - he had to act a _little_ depressed. According to him, he had just broken up with his latest girlfriend, Darla. A couple of times a year he would invent a new girlfriend, and then before his parents started asking about wedding plans, he would invent a sad story about their break-up. After the first two 'girlfriends', he even kept a dedicated notepad outlining his fictional love life, in case they asked again later. The hardest part was avoiding his cousin's questions when he inevitably tried to pry on their behalf.

So, he had to act like he was sad and that he was putting on a brave face. When the real truth was that he had never had a girlfriend at all, and he didn't want them to guess how truly upset he was about that. It was a delicate balancing act.

He was sick of it. He wanted a real girlfriend. He wanted to make his parents proud. He wanted to start planning the rest of his life. And more than anything else... he was lonely, and he didn't want to be lonely anymore.

"Is it time to start trawling for new fake photos of your new fake girlfriend?" Gilfoyle asked from his computer station. Dinesh had a sudden fear that Gilfoyle had started learning Urdu just to listen in on his conversations, but realized that he must've picked up the word for 'girlfriend' by now, since that's all his parents ever asked about.

"Don't - don't fuck with me right now, Gilfoyle. I'm not in the mood."

Gilfoyle looked over towards him. "Okay," he replied.

"Wanna play Mass Effect?" Gilfoyle asked a few moments later, when Dinesh was still staring forlornly at his computer screen.

"That would be great. Thanks."

~~~

When Dinesh was ten, one of his uncles brought home a batch of old subtitled Hindi movies. Dinesh thought Rajinikanth lighting his cigarette in Geraftaar was the coolest fucking thing he'd ever seen in his life.

Later he found half of a stubbed-out cigarette in his uncle's ashtray.

He didn't have a gun to light it with, obviously, but he practiced flipping it into his mouth while hiding in the toolshed. He never did manage to catch it, which he blamed on the shortness of the cigarette. It was only half, after all 

He smoked it down to the filter, and he'd never felt so sick in his life. It made his head throb, his throat rasp and his lungs hurt. Whether the nausea was from the cigarette or his guilt, he didn't care. All he knew was that he never wanted to smoke again. There was some small consolation in that.

~~~

One night Dinesh woke up from another gay dream. This time he couldn't help himself. He was so turned on, he reached into his boxer shorts.

After tucking the used wet wipe into the trash can, he lay back in bed to stew in regret for awhile.

He wondered if women could smell it on him. Women had a really good sense of smell, it was scientifically proven. They could smell a good mate from a bad mate - they could actually smell genetic compatibility. Maybe they could smell his gay urges. Maybe that's why they were never interested in dating him, in the end.

Then a strange thought occurred to Dinesh. He wondered if having sex with another guy could be like smoking (in more ways than one, really). He wondered if trying it once would get rid of the desire to do it again.

After all, fantasy was always better than reality. Real guys smelled bad. They had pimples and murky breath and hair in weird places. Real guys weren't Abbas Jaffri. (Dinesh suspected Abbas Jaffri himself might not be real. Nobody real could be that attractive.)

Maybe, thought Dinesh, maybe if he tried it just once, he'd never want to do it again. Then he could get past it. Get on with his life.

Yeah. That would be great. To go gay, just the once, and get it out of his system. 

~~~

Once Dinesh made up his mind, the problem was figuring out who to do it with.

The first one who came to mind of course was Jared. He seemed pretty gay, and he was sort of attractive in a tall, clean, white-guy kind of way. But there were just too many downsides to that idea. Dinesh suspected that if he made a proposition, Jared might just file a sexual harassment complaint, and Richard would have to give him a lecture or something. Or, if they actually did go through with it, Jared would probably end up getting all attached and want to get gay married at city hall. But really, if Jared was gay for anyone, he was pretty clearly gay for Richard - Dinesh had doubts that he would ever agree to have sex with him. No, it seemed like the only strength on that SWOT board was that Dinesh would almost certainly get to be on top. Not unappreciated, but not enough to make him want to try for it.

So, how to get anonymous gay sex in 2015? Dinesh did what any self-respecting young man in Silicon Valley does. He installed Grindr.

Dinesh installed the app in the privacy of his bedroom, wanting nothing more than to keep this between himself, his phone, and whatever guy he hooks up with. That plan went right out the window when his phone lit up with a notification while he was sitting at the breakfast table opposite Gilfoyle.

"Fffuck," said Dinesh under his breath. He put the phone in his pocket, but he knew he was too late. Gilfoyle had been staring right at the Grindr logo. 

"So you've finally decided to explore the homo side of your sexuality." Gilfoyle commented.

Dinesh sighed. "Yep. Pretty much. Go ahead, make fun of me. I don't even care." He closed his eyes and braced for whatever biting insults Gilfoyle had in store.

"No," Gilfoyle said after a few moments' consideration. "I don't think I will. Takes courage to admit that kind of thing, even just to yourself."

Dinesh looked up at him. "Wow. Um, thanks?"

"Don't mention it." Gilfoyle drained the last of his morning red bull. "Besides, if I criticized you I'd be making a hypocrite of myself."

Dinesh didn't quite know what to make of that comment. Did it mean what he thought it meant?

"Pro tip," said Gilfoyle. "Go into the main settings menu to change the notifications settings if you don't want it to buzz during meetings."

"I _know_ how to change notifications, Gilfoyle. Pro tip, Jesus Christ. I'm a goddamn computer programmer. I just, you know, haven't taken the time yet. It's new."

"Yeah well, you'll get the hang of it." Gilfoyle tossed his can in the recycling bin and headed out to his usual workstation.

~~~

It took a long time for that morning conversation to really digest in Dinesh's mind. That first bit of panic over the buzzing phone, sandwiched with the utter bizarreness of Gilfoyle being nice to him obscured the meaty, relevant middle of the conversation.

Did Gilfoyle actually admit to being gay?

Dinesh boggled, actually boggled at himself in the mirror that night while he was brushing his teeth and he realized at that moment the meaning of Gilfoyle's comment about making a hypocrite of himself.

Holy shit.

~~~

Dinesh sat on the knowledge for days, letting it ruminate.

Grindr turned out to be... not really his thing. He didn't like most of the guys he saw. He didn't like any of the messages he got. He kept swiping through furiously anyways, until he realized that the only reason he was doing it was because he wanted to see if Gilfoyle was there.

The thought that Gilfoyle could be a possiblity for him, even a distantly remote one - that thought did things to Dinesh, things he couldn't explain.

It drove Dinesh crazy thinking about it.

~~~

One night, Gilfoyle was lounging on a deck chair by the pool, smoking a joint. Nobody else was with him.

Fuck it. Dinesh was going in.

He walked up to Gilfoyle. "Are you gay?" he asked point-blank.

Gilfoyle looked up at him and blew a line of smoke out of his mouth.

"No. Obviously not. Tara - remember? Among others."

Dinesh nodded. "Okay, bi then."

Gilfoyle shrugged. "Yeah, that. Everyone is a little. Most people are just too chickenshit to admit it."

Dinesh nodded again. "Okay." Now that he had the information he had so strangely been desperate to have, he had no idea what to do with it.

"Want a drag?" Gilfoyle offered his joint.

"Sure," said Dinesh, because why the fuck not? He sat down on the lawn chair next to Gilfoyle.

Later, much later, when Dinesh was properly high, they were talking about Grindr, and Dinesh asked, "Would _you_ have sex with me, Gilfoyle?"

Gilfoyle looked over to him, with that inscrutable look that Dinesh was now so familiar with. "Is that a hypothetical question or an actual one?"

Dinesh took a moment to consider. "Let's call it an actual question," he said. He wasn't so high that he didn't understand the implications, but he was just high enough not to care.

"Okay. If it's an actual question, the answer is yes." Gilfoyle

Dinesh nodded. He wanted to say _wow_ or something like that, but even in his current state he knew that would be too lame. "What about Tara?" He asked.

"Oh she'll want to watch. Let me text her and see if she can skype in."

"Okay. _Wow,_ " Dinesh couldn't help but say.

~~~

"Oh god, ohh god, _oh god!_ " One of Tara's breasts slipped out of her robe while she masturbated furiously, and Dinesh was so completely spent that all he could think was, _nice boob, but aren't you a Satanist?_

Beside him, Gilfoyle grinned wolfishly. "That's my woman."

Dinesh never would have guess that sex could be such a workout. He was all like... sweaty, and _sticky_. He hoped he hadn't sprained anything. In the euphoria of the afterglow, he couldn't tell.

"I'm not much of cuddler," Gilfoyle said. "You should probably go take a shower."

"Sure - yeah." Dinesh hoped he could find all of his clothes.

 _Mission accomplished,_ he told himself. He'd had gay sex - he'd gotten it out of his system. He could get on with his life.

"If you want to do this again, let me know," Gilfoyle said.

"Yeah. Okay. How about tomorrow night?" Dinesh asked.

Gilfoyle's grin was positively toothsome. "That good for you, babe?"

Panting and prone, Tara just gave a 'thumbs up' sign to the screen.

"Okay," Dinesh nodded. "Same time and place?"

"You're on," said Gilfoyle.


End file.
